Going to a concert on the 15th. That should be fun. I've been feeling like I should update this thing, even though no one reads it. Hm. Oh well. Starting to have feelings for someone again but it doesn't matter since said person like pretty girls. So, not me. So whatever. Still fun to hang out with. Going up to Iowa City (or down. Whatever) this weekend w/ Amanda and Caitlin. That should be fun. Even if I do have to hang out with Emily's juvenile friends.

I've been wanting to do nothing but party lately. And have fun. And just mess around. I want a cigarette. Preferably a tasty clove cigarette, but I can't even afford a normal pack, let alone the fancy stuff =P Hmm...Not sure what else to say. Tootles

I've come to the conclusion: Myspace depresses me o.O Odd, I know....Thus being said, I'm only going to be visiting Myspace maybe once or twice a month. ^_^'

Things I've realized in the past couple weeks:

• Kung Fu Panda is GODLY
• Taco Bell's Queso Crunchwrap RAWKS
• My so-called 'friends' have deteriorated since graduation. They have resorted to stealing, lying, ditching others, such as me and Emily, and hanging around scary 25 year old guys in their porn-filled apartments...ALONE *REDFLAGREDFLAG*
• I'm very lucky to have certain people (and animals <3) in my life. ^_^ Without them, I don't know where I'd be.

So it comes to Xanga. I've hinted at it on Myspace....Wrote a note about it on Facebook...And now I'm ranting about it on Xanga...*sigh*

I hate it when people lie....Why do they do it? All it does is hurt. Nothing good comes from it. It makes me feel like he thinks I'd freak out or something...I'm not some stereotypical psychotic ex girlfriend who's going to "seek revenge" on the new girlfriend....That's stupid. And soooooooo not worth it!

....Wanna know a secret? Thinking back on it now, I'm embarassed that I dated him! And I'm ecstatic that he found a new girlfriend. Wanna know another secret? I hope she has more brains that I did...And I hope she fucks him over before he fucks her over. Cuz then maybe he'll realize what an asshole he is and how badly he really treats girls...and maybe he'll finally get the picture and think, "Oh, wow. This really sucks...."

*sigh* I dunno. I need to talk to him about it, but he never seems in the mood to actually talk anymore. I find that amusing because when there was something to "gain", he was all ears. He never got tired of me talking about the more "serious issues" in life...And now? He grows bored, changes the subject (usually to getting stoned or wasted *rolls eyes*) or just gets up and leaves altogether.

Blech.....Relationships really suck. And having feelings for someone sucks to. I'm just relieved that I now have no feeling whatsoever towards him...Except wanting to be his friend (and I have no idea why). So I'm back to "wanting what I can never have" and I'd forgotten what that was like. But whatever, I'll get used to it again. Either that or maybe I should just shut down completely and turn off everything; become an empty shell who knows exactly when to smile and when to laugh.

*shrugs* Most teens are looking for casual dating....Or they aren't looking at all. Me? For some reason, I want to find "the one". I want to find the person who's going to help fix me. And I'll admit, that's not going to be easy....if it's possible at all. I'm tired of being broken, but I am. It's who I am. It's Unmedicated Me. And if you can't accept that, then I guess that's your problem. I'm pretty screwed up most the time...I just wish I could find "the one" sooner rather than later....I know I'm young. Probably way too young to be so anxious for finding this person...But I am...I've had a taste at what true happiness can actually be! And I want more!